“Trump is Bad For Hockey” – Pope
Cardiff Devils legend Brent Pope has blasted Republican party candidate Donald Trump, branding the American billionaire ‘anti-hockey’.
Much of the criticism centred around Trump’s controversial immigration policies, which would result in Toronto Maple Leafs centre Nazem Kadri being unable to enter the US for the 2019 Stanley Cup Final against Minnesota, as well as the planned construction of a giant statue of ‘The Bhulin Wall’ being built along the Mexican border as a permanent reminder of Tampa Bay’s 2004 Championship.
“Immortalising Nikolai Khabibulin in this way is an insult to the proud people of both Winnipeg, who suffered the indignity of losing their team to a phoenix that happened to fly past, and Edmonton, who suffered the indignity of watching Khabibulin suffer numerous back injuries while trying to carry the team”
“And that’s without mentioning the fact people from Mexico could still enter the US by tamely walking through the five-hole…”
Concerns were also raised over Trumps plans to kick out any immigrants the 69-year old believes have entered America illegally, or are simply to take advantage of the countries riches.
“Proud Canadian’s have spent years stealing a living from stupid American franchises – if Donald Trump came to power, good old Ontario boys like Mike Smith would never be able to fleece the Arizona Coyotes like he has”
Pope, owner of the finest set of hats in all of Wales, also wished to correct the business moguls misguided belief home fans were jeering Team Canada netminder Roberto Luongo during the 2010 Winter Olympics in Vancouver. “Those were ‘Lous’. not ‘boos'” he said.
Some more wild theories suggest Trump may also seek to fix the NHL Draft, to ensure top prospect Auston Matthews joins young star Jack Eichel on American soil as part of the The Trump Organization President’s plan to make American great again, while Human Rights activists are outraged at the prospect of suspects being banished to Alberta and forced to coach the Oilers defence as part of new ‘strong interrogation’ methods Trump would introduce.
The situation was only further complicated when NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman said the league’s top concussion spotter had assessed Mr Trump and found no signs of head trauma, before suggesting the Republican party should switch to a Conference system due to the lack of parity between candidates.
Unfortunately Mr Bettman’s comment could not be verified on the new NHL website, owing to the fact they are more than 48-hours old.
Trump’s insistence he would probably get on very well with Vladimir Putin also led to fears that the rumoured British KHL franchise would be nixed on the basis that some parts of the UK are ‘no go areas’ because there is a mosque there. However a spokesman for the British Elite League dismissed this, claiming Mr Trump “did not have all the facts”.
Fortunately one of Mr Trump’s more controversial policies have been exposed by the hockey community as ‘unrealistic’.
“If SAP can’t track shots on goal, how the hell does Donald Trump expect to be able to track a Muslim going about his daily business like millions of other Americans do?” one critic scoffed.